In the past one month, I have made 60 Christmas cards and 90 ornaments for my friends and family as Christmas gifts! Each with love, care and conscious thought. And I could have made and distributed more had I not tired, I am sorry to anyone who I have missed. I am blessed to have such an abundance of wonderful people in my life and I realize this, especially during this time of the year when counting my blessings is a part of the tradition. My heart has been so many places, in love with so many faces, and touched by so many hearts. The best gift to give these people, I feel, is something made from my own heart and hands.
I know a lot of people who choose for Christmas to be a financial woe and a stressful or chaotic period. I, on the other hand, have elected to consciously make Christmas a peaceful occasion. Three Christmases of being on my own now (not having gone home to Nfld), here is what my own tradition is looking like: making all my cards, gift-giving only with my immediate family, no credit card use, lots of dinner parties (and parties), Christmas movies, hosting of Christmas dinner with 13+ people invited over, and volunteering on the mornings of Xmas eve and Xmas day. I love the Christmas spirit (when it is happy and unstressed!) and I wish we could jar it up! I especially love the evening walks I’ve been taking as so many homes are decorated with lights! Any lit-up home is a good thing, even if just one string, and no such thing as too tacky!
Grateful holidays to you!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Free Yourself from Your Ego Armor
Eckhart Tolle, author of A New Earth (one of my favorite books), explains how to break through the shell that separates you from your true self.
Vanity and pride are what most of us tend to think of when we think of ego, but ego is much more than an overinflated sense of self. It can also turn up in feelings of inferiority or self-hatred because ego is any image you have of yourself that gives you a sense of identity—and that identity derives from the things you tell yourself and the things other people have been saying about you that you've decided to accept as truth.
One way to think about ego is as a protective heavy shell, such as the kind some animals have, like a big beetle. This protective shell works like armor to cut you off from other people and the outside world. What I mean by shell is a sense of separation: Here's me and there's the rest of the universe and other people. The ego likes to emphasize the "otherness" of others.
This sense of separation is an intrinsic part of the ego. The ego loves to strengthen itself by complaining—either in thoughts or words—about other people, the situation you find yourself in, something that is happening right now but "shouldn't be," and even about yourself. For example, when you're in a long line at the supermarket, your mind might start complaining how slow the checkout person is, how he should be doing this or doing that, or he failed to do anything at all—including packing the bag of the person ahead of you correctly.
When this happens, the ego has you in its grip. You don't have thoughts; the thoughts have you—and if you want to be free, you have to understand that the voice in your head has created them and irritation and upset you feel is the emotional response to that voice Only in this way can you be present to the truer world around you and see the golden shade in a pound of pears on the scanner, or the delight of a child in line who begs to eat them.The trick, of course, is to work to free ourselves from this armor and from this voice that is dictating reality.
Observe Your Mind
The first foundational step is to become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think, especially negative thoughts: irritation, anger, impatience and perhaps even some kind of sadness. You might, for example, complain about yourself, how useless you are. If you start to hear these repetitive thoughts, then you will suddenly realize, "I've been thinking these same thoughts again and again almost every day without really knowing it."
Distinguish Between the Voice of Ego and the Actual Situation
Awareness is the beginning of becoming free of the ego because then you realize that your thoughts—and the negative emotions they produce—are dysfunctional and unnecessary. For example, let's go back to the supermarket line. As you stand waiting, you aren't actually irritated because it's taking a long time to get through to the checkout, which is the situation. You are irritated by what your mind is telling you about the situation—which is that all this waiting is bad and a waste of your time. But you could actually be enjoying that moment if you say, "This is simply what is. There's nothing I can do about it, so why not breathe in deeply and look around and enjoy the world around me?"
Let Go of Limiting Stories
Sometimes the danger is not even pessimistic thought. If, for instance, you have been let go from your job, you might so resist being negative that you say, "It's a great thing that I lost my job!" That kind of willful optimism is not necessary. We hold on to the fairy tale of supposed happiness—that we should be happy. But this keeps you stuck where you are. Instead, try to describe only what is happening, without judgment: I do not have a job. I must look for one.
Bring In Your Awareness
When you see the difference between your voice and the reality of the situation, that's the beginning of awakening. This is often a moment—a flash that sizzles and disappears. Initially you still lose yourself again, and the old thoughts arise, but gradually, you gain awareness, and the dysfunctional thoughts subside. It's a gradual transition, this bringing in of your awareness, because the ego doesn't want to change. It doesn't want to disappear, so it will give you plenty of reasons why you cannot be present.
Lay Down Your Weapons
Your challenge will be to become more aligned internally with the present moment. Fighting with your ego by will just makes it stronger. By declaring war on it, you make an enemy. A simple example: You wake up in the morning, and it's raining and gray, and the mind says, "What a miserable day," and this is not a pleasant thought. You likely feel some emotion: dread, disappointment, unhappiness. You suddenly realize that your judgment of what kind of day it will be is based on a mental habit, an unconscious default. That simple awareness creates space for a new thought to emerge. You can look again out the window without that preconception and just see the sky. It's gray. There's some sunlight filtering through the sky. There are, perhaps, raindrops falling. It's not actually miserable at all. It has a certain beauty. Then suddenly, you're free. You're no longer imposing something on reality, and you're free to enjoy what, previously, you had rejected.
Vanity and pride are what most of us tend to think of when we think of ego, but ego is much more than an overinflated sense of self. It can also turn up in feelings of inferiority or self-hatred because ego is any image you have of yourself that gives you a sense of identity—and that identity derives from the things you tell yourself and the things other people have been saying about you that you've decided to accept as truth.
One way to think about ego is as a protective heavy shell, such as the kind some animals have, like a big beetle. This protective shell works like armor to cut you off from other people and the outside world. What I mean by shell is a sense of separation: Here's me and there's the rest of the universe and other people. The ego likes to emphasize the "otherness" of others.
This sense of separation is an intrinsic part of the ego. The ego loves to strengthen itself by complaining—either in thoughts or words—about other people, the situation you find yourself in, something that is happening right now but "shouldn't be," and even about yourself. For example, when you're in a long line at the supermarket, your mind might start complaining how slow the checkout person is, how he should be doing this or doing that, or he failed to do anything at all—including packing the bag of the person ahead of you correctly.
When this happens, the ego has you in its grip. You don't have thoughts; the thoughts have you—and if you want to be free, you have to understand that the voice in your head has created them and irritation and upset you feel is the emotional response to that voice Only in this way can you be present to the truer world around you and see the golden shade in a pound of pears on the scanner, or the delight of a child in line who begs to eat them.The trick, of course, is to work to free ourselves from this armor and from this voice that is dictating reality.
Observe Your Mind
The first foundational step is to become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think, especially negative thoughts: irritation, anger, impatience and perhaps even some kind of sadness. You might, for example, complain about yourself, how useless you are. If you start to hear these repetitive thoughts, then you will suddenly realize, "I've been thinking these same thoughts again and again almost every day without really knowing it."
Distinguish Between the Voice of Ego and the Actual Situation
Awareness is the beginning of becoming free of the ego because then you realize that your thoughts—and the negative emotions they produce—are dysfunctional and unnecessary. For example, let's go back to the supermarket line. As you stand waiting, you aren't actually irritated because it's taking a long time to get through to the checkout, which is the situation. You are irritated by what your mind is telling you about the situation—which is that all this waiting is bad and a waste of your time. But you could actually be enjoying that moment if you say, "This is simply what is. There's nothing I can do about it, so why not breathe in deeply and look around and enjoy the world around me?"
Let Go of Limiting Stories
Sometimes the danger is not even pessimistic thought. If, for instance, you have been let go from your job, you might so resist being negative that you say, "It's a great thing that I lost my job!" That kind of willful optimism is not necessary. We hold on to the fairy tale of supposed happiness—that we should be happy. But this keeps you stuck where you are. Instead, try to describe only what is happening, without judgment: I do not have a job. I must look for one.
Bring In Your Awareness
When you see the difference between your voice and the reality of the situation, that's the beginning of awakening. This is often a moment—a flash that sizzles and disappears. Initially you still lose yourself again, and the old thoughts arise, but gradually, you gain awareness, and the dysfunctional thoughts subside. It's a gradual transition, this bringing in of your awareness, because the ego doesn't want to change. It doesn't want to disappear, so it will give you plenty of reasons why you cannot be present.
Lay Down Your Weapons
Your challenge will be to become more aligned internally with the present moment. Fighting with your ego by will just makes it stronger. By declaring war on it, you make an enemy. A simple example: You wake up in the morning, and it's raining and gray, and the mind says, "What a miserable day," and this is not a pleasant thought. You likely feel some emotion: dread, disappointment, unhappiness. You suddenly realize that your judgment of what kind of day it will be is based on a mental habit, an unconscious default. That simple awareness creates space for a new thought to emerge. You can look again out the window without that preconception and just see the sky. It's gray. There's some sunlight filtering through the sky. There are, perhaps, raindrops falling. It's not actually miserable at all. It has a certain beauty. Then suddenly, you're free. You're no longer imposing something on reality, and you're free to enjoy what, previously, you had rejected.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Are your days filled with everything you love?
Yesterday, as hungover as I was, was a perfect day. It was yet another day filled with everything I love. I awoke on an air mattress at the community hall which my friends and I had rented for a Halloween party, still in full costume. My heart was beaming with delight as I looked around at the mess we were about to spend the next 3 hours cleaning up. What a great party we threw! The smiles, dancing, laughter and costumes were all equally amazing. It was one of those nights when you’re reminded of how wonderful the people you have in your life are. I’ve accumulated quite the collection of beautiful people in my life, and I am overwhelmingly grateful for this. I believe my friends are my greatest asset.
Arriving home around noon, Logan and I decided a nap was in order. Fed and showered, the two of us crawled into our bed for some afternoon zzz’s. That boyfriend of mine, he really is something special. Not only does he give the best cuddles, he made (and had) the best costume at the party, he also did my full makeup (making me second best!) and, he helped my brother make his. Logan loves Halloween so much and was having such a great time, he even got drunk! He doesn’t do that very often. There have been two occasions this week that have just solidified how much I love this man. Two occasions when I seen him smiling from both his heart, and mouth, and singing: Foo Fighters concert and our Halloween party. He was lit up, thus lighting me up.
After nap time, I realized it was still only early in the afternoon. Time was going slow, the way I like it on my days off. Fisher asked that I take her for a walk as it was a beautiful, sunny, fall day. So, away we went: myself, Dan Mangan, and Fisher. For two hours, we trotted along, splashing colorful leaves around, enjoying sunshine on our faces, and smiling at passersby. It’s very easy for me to find magic in the mundane. I love walking, for this reason. Unlike biking, walking is slow – allowing you to look around, take it all in, stop and smell the roses. What an enchanting world we live in!
Home sweet home again, and with a hungry belly, Logan and I prepared a stir-fry with the abundance of ingredients found in our fridge. Another thing I am quite grateful for. Then, the whole household sat around in the living room and watched an episode of Dexter while munching on delicious, truffle-oil popcorn! In bed again by 9:30pm – quite content with my day of relaxing, happy memories, and peaceful thoughts. I am happy so many of my days are filled with the things I love!
Arriving home around noon, Logan and I decided a nap was in order. Fed and showered, the two of us crawled into our bed for some afternoon zzz’s. That boyfriend of mine, he really is something special. Not only does he give the best cuddles, he made (and had) the best costume at the party, he also did my full makeup (making me second best!) and, he helped my brother make his. Logan loves Halloween so much and was having such a great time, he even got drunk! He doesn’t do that very often. There have been two occasions this week that have just solidified how much I love this man. Two occasions when I seen him smiling from both his heart, and mouth, and singing: Foo Fighters concert and our Halloween party. He was lit up, thus lighting me up.
After nap time, I realized it was still only early in the afternoon. Time was going slow, the way I like it on my days off. Fisher asked that I take her for a walk as it was a beautiful, sunny, fall day. So, away we went: myself, Dan Mangan, and Fisher. For two hours, we trotted along, splashing colorful leaves around, enjoying sunshine on our faces, and smiling at passersby. It’s very easy for me to find magic in the mundane. I love walking, for this reason. Unlike biking, walking is slow – allowing you to look around, take it all in, stop and smell the roses. What an enchanting world we live in!
Home sweet home again, and with a hungry belly, Logan and I prepared a stir-fry with the abundance of ingredients found in our fridge. Another thing I am quite grateful for. Then, the whole household sat around in the living room and watched an episode of Dexter while munching on delicious, truffle-oil popcorn! In bed again by 9:30pm – quite content with my day of relaxing, happy memories, and peaceful thoughts. I am happy so many of my days are filled with the things I love!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Dear Jennifer,
Kindred spirit, perhaps I love you so much because I see so much of myself in you! :) Seriously though, you’re a light. You re-energize me – and in a fashion that no one else can. You have the ability to bring out the best in everyone, to make them feel loved, valued, and appreciated, and like their your best friend - the homeless to cab drivers to business execs. You are love Jenny. As I so fabulously put once: I think so often about you and how much I love you and how much you've inspired my life. I think about the amazing experiences I've had WITH you...but then I realize that YOU are the amazing experience. Perhaps KT Tunstall says it best though (don't know if I told you but I think of you everytime I hear this song!):
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word
And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see
Carrie
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word
And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see
Carrie
Dear Lindsay and Leah (and Terri),
My dearest friends, we’ve been together so many years! Like family, I trust we’ll remain committed to one another for our full lifetime. Like a marriage, without the ring. Isn’t that something? I’m so certain it’s true though – there is nothing that could ever come between us, we’ve stood the test of time. Our friendship is solid and I believe this is because we know each other so deeply – we know each other’s roots, family history, background, and youthful secrets. We’ve been there, and we’ve been there together. I respect you more than you’ll ever know. It was amazing to spend this past weekend with you. You’re very strong women and there is nothing I love more in this world. I’m proud of you. Forever and ever,
Carrie
Carrie
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